Overcoming anxiety and finding talismans

Last Wednesday I gave my first ever artist talk at Free Space Gallery for the Moodlab art therapy workshop. It was very scary and I spent the 5 days leading up to it in an anxious panicky limbo. But I did it, and it was really helpful for me to do in terms of being another little milestone for overcoming the anxiety i've had for 6 and a half years that's stopped me from doing so much of what I wanted to do, until I moved home to have hypnotherapy in 2014 (having tried other therapies that didn't work) that is. Since the hypnotherapy (after the first session of which I cried all the way home listening to city life by Matthew Ryan on repeat because I could never have before believed I might not feel terrible anxiety at every turn, and now I believed I might not anymore!) I've managed to tick off many things i'd resigned myself to never achieving, such as:

- going to an actual job interview for something I want to do

- putting on a solo exhibition of my work

- starting an art residency (at Free Space!)

- carrying hot drinks without freaking out, shaking uncontrollably and dropping them - yes this was a major problem for me!
- generally have people look directly at me 

- and now... standing up and talking in front of a group of people!

So - besides this whole artist talk being beneficial for me, i'm really hoping I could help the Moodlab group with their process and inspiration for the current course they are undertaking, which is all about making mood orientated clothing. 

I will post what I spoke about soon... a lot of it is to do with a project i'm going to do while i'm in New Jersey for a week in December... where i'm going to see Brian Fallon play a show at a little cajun diner, and hopefully see Matthew Ryan there too!

Anyway, thank you Cate from Moodlab and Mel from Free Space for asking me to come talk to everyone.

Now I feel inspired and confident to run another round of workshops; they'll ne polished up and much more in depth and focused ones. I am planning them at the moment, and as a result I've decided to be more clear about what I mean when I talk of 'talismans'. I talk of tattoos as talismans for this Free Space residency, and I inhabit my imaginary persona of Mistress Axolotl who runs an 'imaginary' tattoo parlour - which is essentially a shed in the garden at Free Space from which I devise my workshops and make relevant art. But for the workshops I am currently planning, all sorts of, and every type of talisman will be the focus!

What is a talisman, where does one come from, and how is it carried?

Unfortunately, in modern times such as these, the magic and spiritual aspect of talismans is not taken entirely seriously by most, and is often just an aesthetic exercise for the benefit of an audience.

Now I know this may come across as hypocritical, because I have intentions of being an artist, specifically one that uses art for social engagement, and to do so I need to make things for an audience (which I also very much enjoy). I also say that I find my art important for my own spiritually and emotional well-being at the same time.

But there are different parts of my practice, some which are for an audience, and some which are not.

And leading on from that, before I begin writing what I actually intended to write here, I just want to explain the audience factor for myself, which is something like the following sentence which I read in a book about Post-Impressionist art.

“Post-Impressionism wanted more than a dialogue between artist and nature {as Impressionism had done}; they wanted art which involved the personalities of the spectators.”

The initial aim for writing this piece is to explore what a talisman is, how it (a talisman) comes to be such, and perhaps how to approach making one. This obligation came to me because I feel, as  I said about 10 lines up, that authentic talismans don’t translate so well in this modern scientific age. But I think that may be because often one thinks of totem poles and charms, rosaries and votive offerings as talismans. 
Of course these are, but so many more items are talismans, so many moments have the potential to become talismans if they are harnessed, so many places…

I will start with the official definitions of talismans, amulets and charms as given by the dictionary:

Talisman: An object marked with magic signs and believed to confer on its bearer 

supernatural powers or protection.

Amulet:

A charm worn toward off evil or to bring good fortune.

Charm:

An item worn for its supposed magical benefit, as in warding off evil; an 

amulet.

{or…} An action or formula thought to have magical power.

I find these all to be true, but a bit too prescriptive. 
They assume the bearer to believe in the supernatural, when in fact the most scientific mind can find comfort in a precious item.

These definitions also speak of talismans/amulets/charms are being an object or an action. Again, I agree, but I would like to stress that they may be objects or actions that are representative of an original instance of reassurance which the bearer has harnessed and channelled into a concentrated object or action, with which they can recall the positive feeling/s experience in the initial instance.

That instance could have been a place, a time, a person, a light or a temperature… anything.

My formula for understanding the nature of talismans is as follows:

From pools or instances of comfort and inspiration come feelings, and from them talismans can be acquired of developed. There are effective vehicles for these talismans to exist upon, in or as.

Here’s how it comes about:

When you have a fear, an anxiety, an emptiness, you want an antidote to it. You want to put it to rest, turn your back on it, or even to awaken an opposition to it – something that objects to it.

When you have a need you want to fulfill it.

When you have a desire, fantasy or positivity you want to magnify it.

These antidotes, fulfillments and magnifications can be found in the many places, and such places are what I like to call pools or instances of comfort and inspiration. They could be anything; a place, a moment, a memory, a person or character, in words*, songs, phrases, books, movies, in random objects or special objects, in a time of day, in a certain light, in a temperature, or even in a sheer cerebral or aesthetic admiration of something/someplace/someone you perceive from afar.

Often this perfection (or something that hints at perfection) that you seek is found in these instances because they present to you a concentration of your ideal. You may spend time with that instant, it may not be as the words suggests, instantaneous, but when the feeling comes through at last it is just what you need.

A scene of hopefulness or contentedness materializes in your mind.

If you can harness that feeling you can attach it to a physical objects or a ritualistic action that you can perform. That way, when you need that feeling again, you will have something to help you channel it. This is why talismans are traditionally handheld portable objects.

A talisman, and everything it can channel, will occupy a fragment of space with a fragment of feeling.

Sometimes the feeling will exist already in a portable object. Sometimes you will have to make one yourself.

There are various effective vehicles for harnessing and storing feeling, which can be used for talismans. As I say they are often portable or pocket size. Sometimes they are wearable. Sometimes they are household items or furnishings. They could be carefully designed and possess a strong aesthetic representation of a feeling or sometimes they could be a scribbled doodle or phrase on a piece of old paper that you might laminate and put on a string to keep safe. They might even be permanently impressed into your physical body, like a tattoo.

What I have come to view a talisman as, is a concentration of a scene but an expansion of an idea.

*a word or just a few words can inexplicably suggest or draw scenes and feelings in our minds, especially I think when functional shifts are employed as a writing device. This means using an adjective as a noun etc.

That's all for today folks. And here are some recent studio pics.

current reading material

Re-atmospherized my bedroom last weekend

And a video of a beautiful duet performance of one of Mr Ryan's songs, played here with Mr Fallon. Brian's guitar sound is like a dark angel from an underpass or something.